Lotteries Not Involving Shirley Jackson

On Sunday, my father asked me to buy enough gas to fill several portable jugs. I make my way to a local gas station that happened to be up and running thoughout the local winter storm. I go inside to pay for everything, and get stuck behind a woman who is, shall we say, slow on the uptake. She takes her sweet time in paying for her drinks and snacks, then decides that a lottery ticket will put a bow on the package. The "scratch games" case at the Circle K has roughly two dozen games, all of which involve scratching off a latex cover to match various numbers, symbols, or other stuff.

(It's a scratch game. What were you expecting, a portable version of Pac-Man?)

So, we stand in line, waiting while this woman first asks how much each game costs. (Hint: the price of poker is printed on every ticket in bold numbers.) Then she wants to know how each game is played. (Hint number two: scratch cover. Look for matching symbols. Scream in joy or pout in unhappiness) Then she wants to know about the theming. (Hint number three: The theme is about as pertinent as the hotel part of Acquire or the Egyptian art on Ra.) So, I'm standing there, tapping my foot as this lady is testing everyone's patience. After all, I wasn't there just for grins. I had somewhere to be. It was all I could do to not enumerate the above points right to her uncomprehending glazed face.

I mention this story here and not on the regular blog because part of my political statement is that government should not impede on people's irrevocable right to be blithering idiots. All the same, I draw the line when you're ahead of me in line when I'm in a rush. The scratch games should just have the price, the latex cover, and in the "prize" field either a "You Get Nothing" message, or the prize. Dull, I know, but it would make things much easier. Frankly, I think the lottery is a hefty tax on both the poor and those who are bad at math, because if you can do simple odds calculation, you'll realize that you have much better ways to invest the money.

Goobacks!

Recently, a group of students at Washington State University showed their support for a Congressional bill that would create a fence spanning the U.S.-Mexico border. They showed their support by erecting a 24-foot-tall chain-link fence on Glenn Terrell Mall. (This would rank as one of the most clever things to ever come out of Washington State University, if you ask me.)

Anyway, some professors on campus leveled charges of racism toward the protestors. The professors began cursing, demanding student identification, and generally carrying on.

The incident got back to talk radio, as most things do, and the comment that stuck to me was a claim of "reverse racism," since the students in question were white.

Excuse me, but there's no such thing as "forward" or "reverse" racism. There's racism, and there isn't. Part of our problem as a country is our general refusal to call things as they are. Instead, we try to cover up what really is going on with vague and "politically correct" phrases that don't mean anything.

Own Your Bigotry

And yes, I do mean you literally, if you have any prejudices. And if you don't have prejudices, even eensy-weensy little ones, check your pulse, because I suspect you're dead.

After reading about a flight attendant having a gay couple booted from a plane for necking, then Muslims tossed from another plane for engaging in their prayer ritual, to Michael Richards's obscenity-laden rant, I have this to say:

Own Your Bigotry.

That is, don't try to hide it. I would rather deal with someone like Eric Cartman, who is open and vocal about who he doesn't like, rather than someone who chooses to cover up their distaste for gays, blacks or Jews. I won't respect your views, but I have more respect for someone who is upfront about things than someone who couches their hatred behind "feeling uncomfortable or scared on an airplane," or "concerned for the plane's safety."

A gardening business whose name I've long-since forgotten has a firm policy against doing projects for homosexual customers. Do I find that deplorable? Absolutely. But they have that information on the front page of the website, for all to see. And it's not like there aren't a bunch of other companies who would be able and willing to take the job.

Double Standard

Can someone explain this to me, please? A woman decides to have an abortion. She is given the choice to do so, a safe place to have the procedure, and is coddled by those who say "Poor thing, what an awful thing to do, why did she have to make that choice?" And so on.

In Washington state, Charles Young was convicted of solicitation of first degree murder and solicitation of first degree manslaughter. The murder charge was for the eight-month along fetus, the manslaughter for the unfortunate girlfriend. Fortunately, the 'hit' was a sting operation, so mother and child lived happily ever after.

But here's my problem. A woman aborts, no charge at all. A man tries to kill the fetus, and he has a murder charge hanging over his head. That's just not right. I'm not talking about the act of destroying the fetus, and obviously I'm not excusing the beating that the mother would take in that case. My problem is that the same crime is treated differently based on who commits the crime.

$69,700 makes for a big stack of fives.

People can learn a whole bunch from the blind community. There is a movement to have the different denominations of U.S. currency to be printed in different sizes, or with braille marks on the bills so that blind people can more easily use that money. A nice thought, sure, but there are huge implications with this: vending machines would have to be replaced with ones that can read the new currency, and that's just the only thing I can remember right now.

The thing is that this movement is being brought on by an advocacy group. The advocates want the change, but those who are being helped out don't want it. They are fine with the way things are, and don't want to rock the boat. They're happy with paying for everything in $5 bills, so they can tell if the change back is right. Or using plastic.

This is heartening news. We're in a time when people are paid to not work, or they get money to sit at home after an on-the-job accident. I like the idea of a minority group that doesn't want the hand down, and they're merely happy with the way things are. Would that more groups behave this way, instead of making a scene whenever they're 'slighted' in some way.

Place your hand on the wad of cash and repeat after me...

Keith Ellison is drawing fire by being the first person to place his hand on the Qu'ran when he takes the oath of office when entering the U.S. Congress. I don't like the implications of this. It's not because I'm a Bible-thumping fundie (because I'm not), it's because the precedent is one I disagree with. The Bible, like it or not, is the foundation of our laws, because the laws make sense. The Bible is not used as a religious instrument in this case, as atheists, Jews and members of other religions have placed their hands on the Good Book and joined our legislature. And they did it without any complaint. But since it's now fashionable for Muslims to claim that they're wronged at every turn, we now have An Incident. Perhaps an example of Going Along to Get Along is in order.

On a message board that I belong to, there is this guy who goes by the handle "JayRockUSA". He begins his posts with

==JAY SEZ!==

and then he goes on to post whatever thought sticks in his head. When he's told that you don't do silly formatting and other stuff on a message board, he claims that he wants to be different. I don't buy it. When there is an in-place tradition that makes sense, you don't question it just to run against the grain. After all, if you run against the grain of a porcupine, you get stabbed several hundred times. The new Representative Ellison should place his hand on the Bible, take the oath of office and be glad that we're in a country where we really do have that freedom of choice.

More Wooden Nickels

The transportation debacle in Seattle will never end, at least as long as Mayor Greg Nickels is in charge. If Mayor Nickels isn't ducking the media, or dodging the tough questions, he's doing a great impression of Mayor Quimby from The Simpsons. Drunk on power, and bothered by his constituents, Mayor Nickels has decided that Seattle is going to replace the Alaskan Way Viaduct with an underground tunnel.

That's great, though I think he's strongarming the public by asserting that he'll push that project through when it has become very clear that the public doesn't want an underground tunnel. The bigger problem is that the project is underfunded by roughly a billion dollars or so. Guess who is on the hook for that money? Yeah, the taxpayers. And he'll keep soaking Seattle for every dime that he can move from the public to the private industries that pay for the juicy contracts that I'm sure he'll give away when that tunnel project comes up. And if somehow the tunnel isn't built? Well, then the Viaduct will go away, and there won't be any repair. Which means that over 100,000 cars will sit on the roads, going nowhere.

All of this would go away if the people of Seattle would stand up to him, and say enough is enough. But they won't, and he'll get elected again and again. And Seattle will only have itself to blame.

Now that's good satire!

On Thanksgiving night, David Goldstein was hosting the afternoon show in place of Dori Monson. As one of his guests, he had someone who goes by The General, and his pen name is "J. C. Christian."

I suppose at this point I should have been tipped off by the initials, but I was in the car, and not reading the text.

Anyway, the guy comes on talking about his War on the War on Christmas. He tells the story of going into a 7-Eleven and encountering someone of Middle Eastern descent. The guy behind the counter says "Happy Holidays." The General corrects him, "No, it's Merry Christmas." The two get into an argument, and the point is that The General wants everyone to be doing what he is; getting people to recognize that Christianity is the One True Choice, and to say Merry Christmas instead of anything else.

Again, red flags should have gone up saying that this is all a big put-on. But I'm buying into the whole thing completely, getting riled up about what hate speech this guy is spewing. The reason I'm picking up what J.C. is putting down is that it doesn't sound that much different from what actual people are actually doing.

To me, good satire is biting, insightful, and funny. The two programs that I cite most often as being good examples of satire, The Simpsons and South Park, make things work by blowing things out of proportion, but we also understand who they're skewering and why. In the case of J.C., not only aren't we in on the joke, the satire is so near to the truth that it's hard to pick up on.